This was kinda nerve-wracking to post as I just wasn't sure how well I had this working... (and it might just seem crass, and ... I'll stop as you liked it!). Certainly not adverse to re-arranging the sequence - its a habit I somehow got into a while back and I can see it being unnecessary here. Haha - yeah good point about Cloud's dream - certainly not what he's doing with Aeris (and even in the dream he does say he's not interested as well) - though it's ...sort of. Glad the seductive offer worked - I just really liked the idea of her crossing a boundary like that but keeping everything implied and not actually making contact with him.
...yeah good point about the suddenly naive Aeris catching him... that doesn't entirely make sense in context. Though I can see Cloud still being mortified if she did walk in on him like that (...not totally sure on Aeris's reaction if she did admittedly). Though yeah, Cloud might be so unconvinced that Aeris could have possibly been serious that the whole hallway encounter was his misunderstanding and he has just really embarrassed himself... though I think I'll go for fear of Elmyra blundering in and I love the idea of her chasing him out with a broom. Yep, Cloud is going to be one horny SOLDIER for a good long while (and Aeris's dress in Wall Market/the first kiss is really not going to do him any favours).
Glad the stealth/payment made sense - very much spur of the moment reason quite why Cloud might never press Aeris for a date in game canon; while not the same kind of thing, he is trying not to drag her into the mess he's involved with so asking her for a date anytime soon seems a bad plan...
Aeris!
...I am in two minds about the Zack stuff if it was more involved then expecting. I might cut part of it/move it to later (possibly in Wall Market) so its not so out of the way so quickly (as Aeris is meant to be a little conflicted about how she still feels about him versus hard to ignore attraction to Cloud). ...yeah I screwed up with lithe/muscular there - I was supposed to be going for stocky for Zack - and yeah the idea was that they are muscled very differently (at least I think Zack is bigger built then Cloud for the contrast).
Aeris speedy decision to have sex... I was a bit worried if this was too blunt/too fast and that maybe she should just find him attractive at this stage and then its after spending the trip through Sector Five with him that she decides she does want to have sex with him. But, if it does work as a purely physical attraction and a want to act on it I might leave it. Looking at this again the line about not replacing Zack feels a little clunky so that one might go.
Yeah 'object of affection' is the wrong term there as it doesn't fit with her current train of thought - need to switch that out for a different term/just rewrite that line.
I was wondering earlier again about having both Cloud and Aeris be virgins no matter what they tell the other... But I like Aeris knowing what she wants and her fantasy reflecting that.
Slightly embarassingly the first good view of his eyes is in the church, which doesn't really make sense given the earlier meeting. I think I'll rework this, and make clear the first view of his eyes is in Sector Eight, and maybe start the attraction off there - that she winds up thinking about him on her way back and wondering if she'll run into him again, and its the second meeting/having more of a chance to see/speak to him that she starts thinking about sex.
I think you're right about the time-skipping so I'll straighten the chronology out and place things more precisely. And yeah, Aeris taking care of herself just seemed a right seeming point to leave on given the theme, but it should really end with her pursuing Cloud...
...sorry this feels like I'm rambling like fury, but thanks for the feedback; now to get the spelling/grammar fixes in and rearrange events - I'm liking jumping straight to Aeris offer as an opening for the fic more and more.
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This was kinda nerve-wracking to post as I just wasn't sure how well I had this working... (and it might just seem crass, and ... I'll stop as you liked it!). Certainly not adverse to re-arranging the sequence - its a habit I somehow got into a while back and I can see it being unnecessary here. Haha - yeah good point about Cloud's dream - certainly not what he's doing with Aeris (and even in the dream he does say he's not interested as well) - though it's ...sort of. Glad the seductive offer worked - I just really liked the idea of her crossing a boundary like that but keeping everything implied and not actually making contact with him.
...yeah good point about the suddenly naive Aeris catching him... that doesn't entirely make sense in context. Though I can see Cloud still being mortified if she did walk in on him like that (...not totally sure on Aeris's reaction if she did admittedly). Though yeah, Cloud might be so unconvinced that Aeris could have possibly been serious that the whole hallway encounter was his misunderstanding and he has just really embarrassed himself... though I think I'll go for fear of Elmyra blundering in and I love the idea of her chasing him out with a broom. Yep, Cloud is going to be one horny SOLDIER for a good long while (and Aeris's dress in Wall Market/the first kiss is really not going to do him any favours).
Glad the stealth/payment made sense - very much spur of the moment reason quite why Cloud might never press Aeris for a date in game canon; while not the same kind of thing, he is trying not to drag her into the mess he's involved with so asking her for a date anytime soon seems a bad plan...
Aeris!
...I am in two minds about the Zack stuff if it was more involved then expecting. I might cut part of it/move it to later (possibly in Wall Market) so its not so out of the way so quickly (as Aeris is meant to be a little conflicted about how she still feels about him versus hard to ignore attraction to Cloud). ...yeah I screwed up with lithe/muscular there - I was supposed to be going for stocky for Zack - and yeah the idea was that they are muscled very differently (at least I think Zack is bigger built then Cloud for the contrast).
Aeris speedy decision to have sex... I was a bit worried if this was too blunt/too fast and that maybe she should just find him attractive at this stage and then its after spending the trip through Sector Five with him that she decides she does want to have sex with him. But, if it does work as a purely physical attraction and a want to act on it I might leave it. Looking at this again the line about not replacing Zack feels a little clunky so that one might go.
Yeah 'object of affection' is the wrong term there as it doesn't fit with her current train of thought - need to switch that out for a different term/just rewrite that line.
I was wondering earlier again about having both Cloud and Aeris be virgins no matter what they tell the other... But I like Aeris knowing what she wants and her fantasy reflecting that.
Slightly embarassingly the first good view of his eyes is in the church, which doesn't really make sense given the earlier meeting. I think I'll rework this, and make clear the first view of his eyes is in Sector Eight, and maybe start the attraction off there - that she winds up thinking about him on her way back and wondering if she'll run into him again, and its the second meeting/having more of a chance to see/speak to him that she starts thinking about sex.
I think you're right about the time-skipping so I'll straighten the chronology out and place things more precisely. And yeah, Aeris taking care of herself just seemed a right seeming point to leave on given the theme, but it should really end with her pursuing Cloud...
...sorry this feels like I'm rambling like fury, but thanks for the feedback; now to get the spelling/grammar fixes in and rearrange events - I'm liking jumping straight to Aeris offer as an opening for the fic more and more.